A Thankful Heart

Every day is a gift.  Life itself is a gift.  It just doesn't always feel that way, does it?  Since my bout with cancer several years ago, I believed that thankfulness was now a more prominent characteristic in my life.  I've tried to focus on the positive things knowing that my fragile little world could have been snuffed out back in my teenage years.  And I could easily talk the talk about thankfulness and blessings and such.  And this was all well and good when life was treating me with gentle hands, no one was nasty to me at work, no one was hurting someone I love, my finances were in order, and my future was bright.  But what happens when reality strikes me across the face again?  Where did that positive perkiness run off to?  Somehow I forget all those things that I was grateful for.

A few nights ago, I was spouting off to my husband about various frustrations.  You know how when you get focused on one irritating things and all the others you've forgotten come bubbling up to the surface.  A chain reaction of negativity proceeds.  At this point in my life, it's crazy.  I'm in a demanding program at a nearby college while continuing to work full-time.  My stress level is elevated, at times, to say the least.  So there I was next to him in our bedroom, griping over menial frustrations.  As usual, he patiently listened and spoke not one word.  I couldn't tell if he was holding his tongue or if I just didn't let him get a word in edgewise.  Nonetheless, nothing was said other than my big mouth carrying on.  In the middle of my rancid thoughts, something stopped me mid-sentence.  It was almost like a divine finger appeared and so gently tapped on my shoulder to get my attention.  That still small voice inside me threw up rustled my spirit.  I was made aware of how I sounded, and it bothered me.  Does God look favorably on this kind of chatter?  Is this the woman He desires me to be?  No.  Certainly, not.  I peered over at my husband who still hadn't dared to mutter a sound.  "Thank you for not saying anything," I said.  And I proceeded to say out loud every single thing that I am thankful for.  A loving family, good health, kind friends, and a wonderful church were only a few.  Salvation!  Oh, sweet salvation.  To know that Jesus died on the cross for me.  Yes, sinful me.  I was awestruck as I finished my list of thankfulness.  My husband looked at me and said, "well, I guess you are blessed, now aren't you?"  Yes, we are a blessed people.

Do you realize how many people around the world go hungry every single day?  I don't think about that as I drive through McDonald's for an afternoon snack.

Do you know the millions of Christians around the globe who live in fear because of their faith in God?  They cannot worship freely or even talk about Jesus.  I don't think about that as I waltz into church every Sunday morning without a care in the world.

I'm blind to what I do have, yet my negative eyes fixate on the imperfect areas that I want to change.  Such things that don't matter in the grand scheme of life.  I focus on the situations I cannot change in any way, the ideas I cannot make happen tomorrow.  Where is my peace that knows without a doubt that God has me in His hands?

In the book of Colossians, Paul speaks about inner peace that comes from God alone, and a thankfulness that resides in the depths of our being.  "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."  (Colossians 3:15)   And later in II Thessalonians, we're reminded to "give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (2 Thessalonians 5:18)  It's God will for us to be thankful amidst any circumstances.  We are able to not because of ourselves, but because of the peace that comes from Christ residing in us.  He is able, our flesh is not.  Let peace rule in your heart.  It makes life easier.  It promotes a thankful heart.  And most of all, it pleases our Lord.

Jesus Loves You,

Molly

The Clock

Here is a little excerpt from my summer writing class.  I've never written poetry before.  But here is my first attempt at an "object" poem.

The Clock

Grandfather, that he is,
Stands upright in the dark front hall,
Stained mahogany coat is valued,
His dusty crevices tell a story,
Positioned there for many years, seen many things.

With a gutsy peal he alerts you,
Like Paul Revere himself,
He warns you,
If only these walls could talk,
It would be an exposing, egregious encounter.

The Story Behing The Photo

One of the assignments from my summer writing course was to compose an "imagery" poem using an old family photograph.  And here's what came out . . .


Crop Away The Edges

Striped sofa, tan and auburn

Three souls fill its cushioned sitting space,

Two older, one younger, a pup in-between,

Each holds a candid story,

Crop away the edges,

Expose the truth.

She sailed from a tropical land,

To claim a piece of the American Dream,

Smooth caramel skin coats her every inch,

The finest garments don a desirable figure,

Diamonds dance along her digits,

A cocktail in one hand, a Virginia Slim in the other,

Crop away the edges,

Expose the truth.

Ivory hair and stained teeth reveal,

A life wasted on spirits,

Old age now plagues his frail body,

Gaunt arms poke out of a cobalt shirt,

Sagging ashen skin sags like drooping curtains on a rod,

A partial smile overcomes his profile,

Peer through the lens and see,

Crops away the edges,

Expose the truth.

Perky, dimpled cheeks,

Petite dungarees and a tight brown tee,

Young lad nestled between his grandparents,

Hasn’t quite met his teens,

No daddy present, a busy momma,

Loneliness met him early,

Yet his smile shines like rays of sunshine through the leaves,

Crop away the edges,

Expose the truth.

Three souls connected by one factor,

Family is a binding tie,

Focus on the photo,

Peer into their souls,

Crops away the edges,

Expose the truth.

Please leave comments below :-)

Learning To Trust Him

In this chapter of life, college is a big part of my life.  Unexpectedly, I found myself with the grand idea of becoming a Registered Nurse.  Never in my life would I have dreamt of being in the medical field.  From a young age, the sight of blood made me cringe.  I could never have thought of bathing a dear woman stricken to her bed.  But here I am, dealing with blood and caring for sick people.

As with any degree, a specified number of electives are required for completion.  My understanding was that I had completed all coursework except the core nursing componenets.  As I was tearing my hair out in mid-May right before finals week, my professor announced that I was missing one elective.  Frustration overtook me.  My whining ensued.  I wanted my summer to myself.  Just to work and come home each day.  I had been looking forward to having a little leisure time on my hands.  But as I searched through the available summer classes, I realized that the only course available was creative writing.  I was interested, but skeptical.  English was my favorite subject throughout school, and I received compliments on my writing, but my internal insecurities made me doubt my abilities.  Eight weeks have passed, the course finished, and I regret ever having an attitude about taking this writing-intensive workshop.  Once again, God has proven to me that my attitude needs to cease, and my trust be solely in Him. He has me in his hands.  He knows the orchestration of my life; I'm not the pilot.  Not only have I cherished this course, but it has renewed my passion for writing and pushed me into uncharted territory in poetry.  And as I write these words, God's gentle reminder speaks to my spirit saying, "Don't fret.  Let Me lead your life.  I have you in My hands."

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Jesus loves you,
Molly

It Never Wanes

Ever heard the saying, "let's put the fun back in dyFUNctional"?  That was my catch phrase as a youngster when I was able to take a step back and see how crazy my family was (and still is).  My past is littered with dysfunctionality.  I was born into it, grew up in it, and work hard everyday to end it in my generation.  One of my coping methods throughout the years has been to do, do, do, and then find more things to do.  It kept me busy and focused my mind on something other than the screaming in the background.

My husband recently told me that I have a hard time relaxing, and that honestly offended me my fragile pride.  But he is right, and I'm woman enough to admit it.  From the time I popped out of the womb, I've been a Type A kinda gal.  It's who I am and it's unlikely that it will change.  For those of you who didn't grow up reading the Twelve Steps of AA and other various psychological literature on dysfunction, a Type A person is a grossly abrupt, impatient individual with tempermental free-floating hostility, a sharply competitive edge, and a strong orientation towards achievement.  It's almost like an incessant need to do, accomplish, exceed, and excel.  Obviously, you can see how this personality type can injure relationships, and my husband has been a blessing as I work through my issues and try to soften my rough edges.

The other night I was explaining to him what personality tests were.  He wanted to see if these so-called tests gave any accurate indication on who a person is.  So I took the test in front of him, and the end result undoubtedly was a Type A individual.  He laughed aloud as I announced the main characteristics of the person whom this test supposed me to be.  But as I heard these mainly negative things, I grew more aware of how I come across to others.  It reminded me of the areas that need change.

With all this being said, I have to address the fact that it is never wise to allow a test devised by human beings to define who you are and where you're at in this arduous journey.  We are all amazing, masterfully created individuals concieved by an incredibly huge God.  Though I see some truth revealed here, I choose to keep my sense of being grounded in Christ.  He created me, knows me most, and sees me through loving Jesus eyes everyday. Though I may continue to be abrupt on given mornings, impatient that same afternoon, and stressing out over an ever-expanding "to-do" list ten minutes later, His love and grace never wane.  We serve an awesome God, friends!

"But from everlasting to everlasting, the Lord's love is with those who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children's children, with those who keep His covenant, and remember to obey His precepts"  Psalm 103:17-18

Jesus Loves You,

Molly

Easy Fix

We all have our ailments.  Mine has always been headaches.  I can remember experiencing the tense, piercing pain of a headache from a young age.  It seems that in the past few years, they have amplified to a stronger level and more frequent occurrence.  Utilizing my new found knowledge from nursing school, I began to keep a "headache diary".  At the end of thirty days, I took a step back to review the data and realized that I had a headache 29 out of 30 days!  So I guess my family was right when they said "it seems like you always have a headache".

At my next annual exam, I happened to bring up this headache conundrum to my gynecologist.  To my surprise, she mentioned that her last in-service was with a neurologist who spoke about the correlation between women and tension headaches with magnesium as a method of treatment.

So I tried it and within a month, my headaches had been reduced to about 2 per week.  Praise God!

Calcium is vital for prevention of osteoporosis in women.  I cannot bare to swallow the pills so I ordered these this week.  Delightfully childish and tasty, but they're for adults, thank you very much!

http://www.nwnaturalproducts.com/vitafusion/

How Does He Do That?

This chapter of my life is overwhelmingly busy.  Most days my schedule, almost down to the minute, is filled with work, appointments, studying, cleaning, devotions, paying bills, spending time with the husband, and the list goes on and on.  Can you believe I don't even have children yet?  Phew!  Being a nursing student has completely consumed my life, but for the better.  Some days I want to give up because the program is so rigorous, and I'm holding on for dear life.  But on Thursdays each week, we have what is called Clinical Experience.  One these ocassions, we get real-life encounters with patient.  You must know that everything we have done is like a foreign language to me.  Never have I ever bathed someone or even taken their pulse.  My mind has been a sponge for all these new procedures and interactions. 

The first semester is grounded in long-term care wherein we learn the fundamentals of nursing.  Every patient I cared for touched me in a different way.  I truly enjoyed the moments I shared with them as it is like nothing I have ever done in my life.  It's new and exciting to me.  But one man affected long after I finished caring for him.  Now I have been a "glass is half empty" kind of person for quite some time.  And I'm working on that daily.  As I walked into the room and introduced myself, he kindly greeted me with a warm smile and a pleasant "good morning".  The first thing I noticed was not only his calm demeanor, but the television show playing in the background.  Kenneth Copeland was preaching on his daily show and I was delighted to be hearing The Word while providing morning care.  I proceeded to move forward with the routines and I realized that this man not only was bedridden, but his legs were immobilized and he had tubes coming out of nearly every orifice there is.  He lived in this facility all the time and couldn't even get up and walk down the hall if he wished.  His dependence for daily activities of living was on the health care team solely.  And he was happy.  He was content.  And I was astounded.  Could I be this way if my life progressed in this manner?  How does he do this every day?  Jesus.

We didn't get to chat about the Lord much because the timing and situation didn't permit.  I was a bit overwhelmed by all of his medical conditions and tasks that had to be completed.  But my heart tells me that this man knew Jesus.  And he knew Him to a level far past where I'm at in my walk.  I'm honored to have cared for him and I don't think he will ever realize how much he affected me.  God used him to increase my awareness of how I am presently and who I want to become through faith in Christ.  That sense of being so deeply rooted in God that the suffering of this world does not break your spirit is so amazing to me.

Lord, help me to trust you in the little things I trudge through now so that I may fight the battles with you by my side through this walk of life.

Psalm 9:9-10  "The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.  Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."

Jesus Loves You,

Molly

Intro

I'm welcoming myself to the wonderful world of blogging!  I must say that I've never kept a blog before, but I've followed quite a few.  Blogging is a fabulous medium for people to get connected, learn about each other, and my hopes for this blog are that the thoughts I share will speak to you.  What I share will be heartfelt and honest, two traits that I try to exhibit each day.  I'm a broken person in need of a Creator who can fill me up and mend my ravaged self.  God is so good.  I hope you know Him and if you don't, search for Him.  You will never experience anything better than a relationship with the One who fashioned you in His image and created a plan for your life before you were even conceived.  I hope you enjoy reading this blog

Jesus loves you,

Molly